so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
