Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
