dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
