oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
