whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
NoShamevember. You game?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
how drunk are you?
Several
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
