And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
