I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
