That's when you crack a 10am beer
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
being pregnant is like rehab
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
