I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
