Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
