I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We need a shit load of segways right now
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
