so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
