oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And then my night got REAL pukey
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
