I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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