I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that