We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??