he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight