Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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