Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?