i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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