You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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