Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
