im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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