last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
