we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
