I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
