I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
