all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
