I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
