i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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