i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
