I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
