How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
