i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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