butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
