Please, let me fuck your mom
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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