Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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