why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
