did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just found puke in my bra..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
