so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
