have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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