Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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