I smell stomach acid.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
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I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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