He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
