Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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