"it" just moved
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
