my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
