Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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