So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
