Having a random hookup so left but love u
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
