If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
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im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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