I think i peed on brittanys purse
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
