This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
