TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
