Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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