Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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