Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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