My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
