sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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