she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
