dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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