and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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