That's when you crack a 10am beer
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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