How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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