Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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