just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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