He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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