don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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