The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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