if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
