Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
