smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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