I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
