She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
