my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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